It was not the same this season, as sadly, much like the month of March, the 2012-13 Premiership season went out like a lamb, with the final Sunday having as much potency as a Shirley Temple. Man U had the crown locked up weeks ago and QPR, Reading, and Wigan, the FA Cup champion, were already relegated prior to the start of play, so the only suspense was between Arsenal and Tottenham, with their matches determining who would finish fourth and claim a berth in the Champions League and who would place fifth and drown their sorrows with a pint (and a Europa League invite). Let’s kick start this thing one last time.

NEWCASTLE UNITED vs. ARSENAL: Gunners manager Arsene Wenger welcomed back fellow Frenchman Olivier Giroud from suspension for this important encounter, and while Arsenal played with a sense of desperation and purpose, strangely the same could not be said for Newcastle. Alan Pardew's side was thoroughly spanked by Arsenal 7-3 in their first meeting of the season, so their lack of a cutting edge on this occasion was surprising. The Magpies proved to be compact at the back and took a scoreless tie into the locker room at the intermission, but early in the second 45, Arsenal finally struck gold. Theo Walcott's free kick was knocked down inside the box, where Laurent Koscielny outmuscled Fabricio Coloccini to deposit the game's only goal. Walcott had a chance to put the final nail in Newcastle's coffin near the end of regulation, but the midfielder mistakenly went with style over substance and his shot clanged off the post and skipped harmlessly out to sea. The Gunners would not pay the ultimate price for their mistake, however, and they qualify for the Champions League for the 16th straight year, a remarkable achievement. Three months ago, Piers Morgan demanded that Arsenal's management firm give Wenger the boot, but the opinionated talk show host had his vocal chords on mute following this result. Arsenal 1, Newcastle 0

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR vs. SUNDERLAND: With all matches starting at the same time in the final week, Spurs entered the contest with the belief that a victory would seal the deal towards Champions League qualification. In the end, referee Andre Marriner had as much of a bearing on this match as the 22 players.  In a scene reminiscent of the UFC, Gareth Bale was wrestled to the ground in the 26th minute, and Marriner, one of the least experienced arbiters in the Premiership, must've been waiting for Bale to tap out; instead of pointing to the spot, the referee went with a yellow, wrongly carding Bale for diving.  Early in the second, Marriner again felt the wrath of the Tottenham faithful for refusing to whistle the Black Cats for a clear handball, and Spurs were hotter than July. Finally, 15 minutes from time, the official made a correct decision when he banished Sunderland's David Vaughan to the locker room after the defender hacked down Aaron Lennon. With increased acreage at his disposal, Bale finally found the back of the net with his customary left-footed fastball to the upper outside corner, a special goal from a special player. On March 3^rd, Spurs held a seven point lead on Arsenal, but two months later, they lost out to their London rival by a single point. This is a case when a victory must have seemed like a loss.  Spurs 1, Sunderland 0

WEST BROMWICH ALBION vs. MANCHESTER UNITED: Instead of a Hollywood ending to Sir Alex Ferguson's 26-year coaching career, the fans were treated to a scene straight out of the Twilight Zone. How else could one describe the Red Devils allowing three goals in the final nine minutes to snatch a tie from the jaws of victory? The 5-5 stalemate was the first of its' kind in the history of the Premiership, and Romelu Lukaku's hat trick was rendered a mere afterthought as the world continues to turn around Ferguson and Wayne Rooney; once again, number 10 was not featured in Man U's game day lineup, and Rooney reportedly is upset with his set-up role in the team's offense. Hey, I hate paying taxes, but it's something that I'm ordered to do, so I do it. If Ferguson was wavering in his decision to retire, this result likely ended all doubts. WBA 5, Manchester United 5

CHELSEA vs. EVERTON: This was the final game for Everton skipper David Moyes before he sets sail for Old Trafford, where he'll try to fill the large shoes of Sir Alex Ferguson, and it was also the last hurrah for Chelsea interim manager Rafa Benitez. At one time, Fernando Torres was as unpopular as a dentist on the day after Halloween, but the enigmatic striker would score his first goal since December 23rd to lift the Blues to a third place finish in the standings. Regular readers of this column realize that I'm the captain of the Rafa Benitez fan club. His 2013 Chelsea resume is reminiscent of Bob Lemon's stint as New York Yankees manager in 1978, when Lemon was the third manager hired by George Steinbrenner that season but led the Bronx Bombers to a World Series title despite staring down a 14.5 game deficit in the month of July. Benitez is like the stray dog that wanders onto a front porch during a rain storm looking for a meal, a warm blanket, and a scratch of the belly, but Chelsea's rabid supporters welcomed the pooch with a kick to the curb. Chelsea 2, Everton 1

LIVERPOOL vs. QUEENS PARK RANGERS: Another heartfelt send-off, this time involving Liverpool's Jamie Carragher; the defender was never the fastest or most talented player, but smarts and guile propelled him to a stellar 16-year career. Philippe Coutinho tallied the game's lone goal with a tremendous piledriver from 30 yards out, and that’s that for QPR. Their “get up and go” got up and went a month and a half ago, and next season they'll play in England's Triple-A league.  Liverpool 1, QPR 0

MANCHESTER CITY vs. NORWICH CITY:  With the firing of Roberto Mancini as head coach, last season's champions checked out of this contest long before kickoff. The game's final goal was also the loveliest, as Jonathan Howson cut through defenders Joleon Lescott, Micah Richards, and Pablo Zabaleta much like a lawn motor shreds through grass. Man City will require a heart transplant if they are to compete for a Premiership title next season. Norwich 3, Manchester City 2

SOUTHAMPTON vs. STOKE: Stoke kept tabloid writers worldwide busy during the week with a series of embarrassing charades. Striker Kenwyne Jones discovered a pig’s head in his locker, and in response, a teammate had his windshield shattered into tiny crystals. Much like the conclusion of final exams on a college campus, I can understand having the lads let off some steam, but Stoke brewed enough tea for an entire continent. Luckily for them, they put down their toys at kickoff and put in work for the entire 90 minutes to pick up a draw. Southampton 1, Stoke 1

WEST HAM UNITED vs. READING: This refreshing and breathtaking affair was spotted amongst a mostly stale and lackluster Sunday across the premiership landscape. Reading was already one of three teams headed for demotion, but they refused to wallow in self-pity, climbing off the canvas to negate an early 2-0 West Ham lead before Kevin Nolan netted a pair late in the second half. West Ham 4, Reading 2

SWANSEA vs. FULHAM: After a spell of eight straight winless results, Fulham finally came away from a match with all three points. Bryan Ruiz moonwalked a pass to Alexander Kacaniklic for Fulham's first goal with Dimitar Berbatov authoring the second score, and the London side would add a third to close the books on their first road triumph since New Year's Day. Mark Schwarzer was terrific between the pipes for Fulham, and while a 40-year-old netminder is never in high demand, Martin Jol should go out of his way to ink the veteran to a new deal. Fulham 3, Swansea 0

WIGAN vs. ASTON VILLA: Given Wigan’s week, they could have had a starring role in “The Hangover Part 3” lined up. Just a few days after winning the FA Cup for the first time in the club's history, the little engine that could found themselves on the wrong side of relegation following a loss at Arsenal, but Roberto Martinez's side refused to go down without a fight on their final day in the Premiership. They reluctantly coughed up an equalizing goal in the 60th minute for a 2-2 stalemate, but it's my belief that Wigan won’t be down for very long. Wigan 2, Aston Villa 2

PENALTY KICK: This blog hopes to return at the start of the 2013-14 campaign. I don’t know how many regular readers I’m reaching, nor if you folks are informed and entertained by my writing, but I love watching the Premiership and I can only hope that my passion for the beautiful game shines through on this page. If you have a comment or a question, please address them to me at nbaker@yesnetwork.com. See you in the fall!

ASTON VILLA vs. CHELSEA: Now this is a horse I can ride! This was the most thrilling and exciting match of the weekend by the length of a soccer field; there’s so much to write about and so little space. Here goes: Christian Benteke opened the scoring for an underdog AV squad early in the first half, but Frank Lampard, the Derek Jeter of Chelsea, would net the equalizer in the 61st with a high, rising fastball to the outside corner. Later, Lee Mason was more pickpocket than referee when he reached into his lapel to show red to Ramires and Benteke, and wide open 10-on-10 football was the result. After central defender John Terry was carted off with a leg injury, Lampard would score the game-winner in true Hollywood splendor; it was an all-star production with Ashley Cole and Eden Hazard having co-starring roles before the leading man accepted his Oscar, and then, in a scene not witnessed since the Beatles invasion of the U.S. in the mid-60's, Chelsea supporters rushed onto the pitch to join in the celebration. Not only did the goal move No. 8 into first place on the club's all-time scoring list, it also ensured a top-four finish and a Champions League berth next season for Chelsea. Lampard is headed to MLS (and specifically to the L.A. Galaxy), but why work in the minor leagues when you can still hit major league pitching? For Villa, their BPL existence for 2013-'14 will likely be determined on the final weekend. Chelsea 2, Aston Villa 1

STOKE vs. TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR: Stoke's participation in the Premiership for next season is secure while Spurs continues its Lindsay Lohan-like roller coaster ride, and anything less than a Top 4 finish will leave hearts crushed in north London and a possible exit door at Gareth Bale's locker. On this day, a cracked pillar would’ve provided more support than Tottenham's backline on Steven Nzonzi's opener, and when Charlie Adam rushed to take a free kick, Spurs was busy counting the house. With 87 minutes left to play, Stoke was on top, but lanky Texan Clint Dempsey leveled the match 17 minutes later when he lobbed a change-up from 35 yards out. Later, Adam was shown red after two questionable decisions – to this impartial observer, on both incidents the midfielder was only guilty of an abundance of hustle – to put Spurs on the power play for nearly 43 minutes, and after misfiring on several quality scoring chances, Emmanuel Adebayor, the man Spurs fans love to hate, tapped home the winner courtesy of a Dempsey cross. Spurs comes through with a must-have victory, but they'll need some help if they are to leap-frog Arsenal and into a top four finish. Tottenham 2, Stoke 1

EVERTON vs. WEST HAM UNITED: If Sir Alex Ferguson's final act played Broadway, then David Moyes' Everton farewell played at a VFW hall. The Everton field boss will take over for Ferguson next season and his last home game with Everton also brought with it an outpouring of emotion. Comparatively, Everton shops at K-Mart for its talent (compared to Man U, Man City, and Chelsea, who shop exclusively at Bloomingdales), but season after season, Everton was always a threat to qualify for the Champions or Europa Leagues. During his tenure, Moyes had the uncanny ability to turn hamburger into steak, and he would go out a winner thanks to a goal in each half by Kevin Mirallas. Everton 2, WHU 0

FULHAM vs. LIVERPOOL: It seems like once their Premiership membership card was stamped for next season, Fulham folded their tent; on this day, they suffered their fifth straight defeat, and can only look in the mirror to locate the guilty party. Dimitar Berbatov nodded home the first goal of the contest in the 33rd, but Daniel Sturridge would score the next three for the Reds. The first one received four stars, as Liverpool journeyed Route 1 with a long pass and Sturridge did the rest, treating poor Aaron Hughes much like Michael Jordan abused Craig Ehlo and Byron Russell when they were left one-on-one with the immortal one. Later, after connecting on his hat trick, Sturridge decided to bust a move; he’s not a great dancer, buthe's a pretty good soccer player. Liverpool 3, Fulham 1

SUNDERLAND vs. SOUTHAMPTON: Ahh, yet another match this writer can sink his fingers into, a match with enormous implications for both clubs. The mission was hardly impossible: win the match, gobble up all three points, and ensure your Premiership existence next season. The Black Cats have been on the prowl since Paolo Dicanio took over as manager last month, but surprisingly it was Southampton who enjoyed the better of play in half number one. The match was scoreless until the 68th when Phillip Bardsley did his best Matt Harvey impersonation and whistled a fastball past a defenseless Artur Boruc to make it 1-nil Sunderland, but the lead would last for just six minutes before Jason Puncheon tied the game in knots. It was a blue-collar, lunch-bucket goal for Puncheon, who placed his rebound past Simon Mignolet from the front porch despite being prone on all-fours. They say a tie is like kissing your sister, and these two squads puckered up to Marge Simpson. Sunderland 1, Southampton 1

QUEENS PARK RANGERS vs. NEWCASTLE UNITED: Newcastle needed a positive result to alleviate their relegation fears, and QPR provided the perfect vaccine to their ills. Rangers offered an illusion by scoring the game's first goal on a questionable penalty kick decision, but the Magpies got mad and then got even on a PK of their own; Hatem Ben Afra delivered the goods, and it ws 1-1 after 18. Later, for the second consecutive week, QPR offered some Will Ferrell-type comedy, as goalkeeper Richard Green and defender Jose Bosingwa did their best “Who's On First” routine until Jonas Gutierrez arrived on the scene to deliver the punch line, and Gutierrez did the work while Yoan Gouffran got the glory. Alan Pardew is one of my favorite managers, as while I can't vouch for his technical abilities, his ruthless honesty during his postgame press conferences is as refreshing as a spring morning. Newcastle 2, QPR 1

NORWICH CITY vs. WEST BROMWICH ALBION: Back in 1991, Michael Spinks fought Mike Tyson in the most anticipated boxing match since the Ali-Frazier three-fight series in the 1970's. That event was more sparkler than firecracker, ending after just 90 seconds with a Tyson knockout win, and while this contest was hardly Tyson-Spinks or even Mayweather-Guerrero in the build up, it certainly looked like the former on the pitch. WBA decided to curl up in a fetal position after absorbing the first body punch that the Canaries threw, and it was a position they wouldn't budge from for the entire 90 minutes. Much like several teams mentioned above, Norwich needed a win for their Premiership survival, and they got it. Norwich 4, WBA 0

ARSENAL vs. WIGAN and READING vs. MANCHESTER CITY: Originally scheduled for Sunday, both of these matches were postponed until Tuesday, May 14 due to Man City and Wigan meeting in the FA Cup Final on Saturday, a match Wigan won 1-0. In the grand scheme of things, Reading vs. Man City means little, as Reading will finish 19^th and be relegated no matter what while Man City has second place and a Champions League berth locked up, but Wigan vs. Arsenal is perhaps the biggest fixture of the week. Arsenal is two points behind Tottenham for fourth place and can jump into the driver’s seat with a win, while Wigan needs a win to avoid relegation; the FA Cup champs are four points behind 17^th-place Sunderland, but as Sunderland won both fixtures between the teams, they would own the tiebreaker, so Wigan needs a pair of wins (and a Sunderland loss to Tottenham next Sunday) to survive the cut.

MANCHESTER UNITED vs. CHELSEA: The more compelling matches of the weekend involved Wigan, Aston Villa, and Newcastle, but when the Red Sox and Yankees of the Premiership line up across each other, it instantly becomes the lead.  With the 2012-13 BPL title already in their bank account, Man U did not have the determination of their opponent, and the match was more chess than football, with more probing and poking than fury and drive. The Red Devils were checkmated in the 86th when Oscar spotted Juan Mata just inside the box, and his left-footed slider found the lower right corner of the net via a Phil Jones deflection for the game's first and only goal.  A few minutes later, Chelsea's David Luiz and Man U defender Rafael engaged in hand-to-hand and elbow-to-elbow contact;  Rafael acted last with a swift kick to his fellow Brazilian's calf, sending the curly-haired one down in a heap, but as he grinned sheepishly at his Tony Award-winning play, Rafael was shown red by referee Howard Webb.  Did Rafael deserve a card? For sure, but yellow would've been my color of choice. With the win, Chelsea has a 13-5-5 record under Benitez, and while the Spaniard is still looked upon as Benedict Arnold by Chelsea supporters, history will flatter his 2012-'13 accomplishments.  Chelsea 1, Manchester United 0.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR vs. SOUTHAMPTON: Earlier in the week my hero Gareth Bale was anointed Player of the Year in the BPL, and he rescued Spurs on this occasion with a left-footed slider that gave his team all three points. The goal was pure Picasso; while traveling right to left at top side, the Welshman unleashed a left-footed rocket that left Southampton goalkeeper Artur Boric sprawling like a contortionist. Just a tremendous individual effort from captain clutch, and while Bale already had my vote as the Premiership's MVP months ago, I'll now raise the pot and go all-in: Gareth Bale is the third best soccer player in Europe, ranking below Lionel Messi and Ronaldo.  Tottenham visits Chelsea during the midweek, and the winner claims all the chips in the race for a Champions League berth.  Tottenham 1, Southampton 0.

SWANSEA CITY vs. MANCHESTER CITY: Many years ago, Billy Preston had a hit song entitled "Nothing From Nothing Leaves Nothing"; this match had plenty of nothing, but that shouldn't come as a surprise, as Swansea's BPL survival kit for next season is secured, and ditto for Man City's 2nd place finish.  Swansea enjoyed the better of play while Edin Dzeko was the goose that had the game's golden opportunity.  If he was on the golf course, his opponent would've had him pick up the "gimme,” but somehow the Bosnian's effort from three yards out missed the target. Swansea 0, Manchester City 0.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS vs. ARSENAL: QPR has already been sentenced to the Minor Leagues, and it took just 20 seconds for their lack of desire to appear, as that's how long it took for Theo Wolcott to open the scoring. Wolcott should've recorded a hat trick, though, as he turned into a plumber later in the first half in striking the pipe, and in the second half, his right-footed sinker was denied via a fine save from QPR keeper Joel Robles. Loic Remy had the home side's top scoring chance late in the second, but his swirling effort fell just wide. After the match, QPR manager Harry Redknapp declared that his team gave maximum effort, but to that I quote another song that I'm fond of: James Brown’s "Talking loud and saying nothing.” There's a reason why they are the rear end of the Premiership table. Arsenal 1, QPR 0.

LIVERPOOL vs. EVERTON: On Saturday the U.S. hosted the Kentucky Derby, the most exciting two minutes in sports; well, this match was the dullest 90 minutes in soccer. I haven't seen so much promise go to waste since Vanilla Ice. Liverpool spilled a six-pack into the Newcastle net one week earlier, but they went cold turkey on this day; clearly they missed Luis Suarez, who sat out the second game of his 10-game suspension. In the second half, referee Michael Oliver suspected foul play when he disallowed an apparent Sylvain Distin goal; somehow, the arbiter ruled that Victor Anichebe interfered with netminder Pepe Reina, but replays showed that the only contact the Nigerian made with Reina was with his breath. I expected more from both clubs but that would be the theme of the weekend throughout the BPL. Everton 0, Liverpool 0.

NORWICH CITY vs. ASTON VILLA: After a 2-1 victory against Everton back on February 23, Norwich sat mid-table and could not be blamed for making off-season plans; however, the Canaries haven't won since, and now find themselves in a battle royal for Premiership survival. Aston Villa had only lost once in their previous four, and despite fielding the youngest team in the BPL, they've displayed nerves of steel in avoiding what was a near-certain drop one month ago. AV midfielder Gabriel Agbonlahor has a love-hate relationship with fans and management, but Saturday's date was deep and passionate, as Agbonlahor put on a Lebron James-like performance in lifting his team to victory. His goal to open the scoring was Selma Hayek’like in its beauty, and after Grant Holt deservedly tied the game in knots on a penalty kick, Agbonlahor ran onto a long outlet pass and delivered the goods from five yards out.  Aston Villa climbs to the summit of premiership survival, the 40 point plateau, while the buns are becoming quite squeaky at Norwich.  Aston Villa 2, Norwich 1.

WEST HAM UNITED vs. NEWCASTLE UNITED: The Hammers can sleep peacefully assured of membership in the Premier League next season, while Newcastle's issues would best be handled with an hour on Oprah Winfrey's couch. Alan Pardew has a locker room full of characters, and with Fabricio Coloccini and Hatem Ben Afra recovered from injury, the manager added character to his ship of fools. Pappiss Cisse had the best scoring chance, but his slow roller was cleared off the goal line; at regular speed it appeared to be the wrong decision, and after viewing several replays I haven't changed my opinion. Yet another scoreless outcome…ugh. West Ham 0, Newcastle 0.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION vs. WIGAN: Seeing his Wigan squad fighting for survival is an annual rite of passage for manager Roberto Martinez, and  I would not be the least bit surprised if Michael Corleone's quote from “The Godfather Part III” – “Every time I think I'm out, they pull me back in" – is etched above the locker room door.  Just one loss in the last two weeks would've meant the death sentence of relegation for Wigan, but they always seem to find a stay of execution; on Saturday, it was actually two stays of execution, as the Lactics erased a pair of one-goal deficits. On March 17, I facetiously wrote that Callum McManaman deserved to be put on trial for his Paul Bunyan imitation in nearly sawing off a Newcastle player's leg, but his game-winner in the 80th courtesy of Shaun Maloney's heavy labor finds him King for a day. Rocky lives in the form of Wigan. Wigan 3, WBA 2.

FULHAM vs. READING: Nigel Adkins was appointed Reading's interim manager on March 26^th, and six fixtures later, he was able to notch his first win; unfortunately, the victory came 30 days late. Hal Robson-Kanu  and Bryan Ruiz would each score twice, and Martin Jol should be embarrassed because Fulham has mailed in their season, stamped return to sender.  Reading 4, Fulham 2.

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ARSENAL vs. MANCHESTER UNITED - A touch of class preceded the match when the gunners lined up in rows and applauded the champions’ appearance onto the pitch. Arsenal's fans on the other hand treated the contest as if it were the hunger games. Their boos and catcalls were primarily directed towards Robin Van Persie who they found guilty of treason in the summer of 2012. Theo Wolcott got on the board at the two minute mark when he outraced Patrice Evra to a Thomas Rosicky pass. The play should've been whistled for offsides but the goal stood, 1-0 Arsenal. RVP amassed 132 goals in his eight seasons in Arsenal red and white, eighth-most in club history. He was as subtle as a sledgehammer in the opening 45 with a solid scoring opportunity while cheek-to-cheek with Arsenal goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny; being shown yellow for a harsh challenge; stripping Bacary Sagna like paint remover; winning a penalty kick; and consequently scoring the red devils’ equalizer (that's two games worth of labor for most soccer players) to make it 1-1 at the halfway mark. The field was slanted in Arsenal's favor in the second 45 however Man U proved dangerous on the counter-attack. Sagna needs to hit the casino. Consider him fortunate in avoiding an early exit following a sliding two-footed challenge on Evra. Arsenal-1 Manchester United-1.

WIGAN vs. TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR - With just three weeks left in the season this was a match that had value for both clubs. Spurs with an eye on a top four finish and Champions League qualification next season and Wigan looking to escape the BPL's relegation zone. This end-to-end ping pong match was the Hearns vs. Hagler of the weekend. A spine-tingling, pulsating toe-to-toe slugfest that produced an Abbott-and-Costello goof for Tottenham's first goal; an Aroldis Chapman-like fastball from Callum McManaman to give Wigan a 2-1 advantage; and some late-game Spurs drama that was better suited for a theatre. Masterpiece Theatre indeed. Wigan-2 Tottenham-2.

CHELSEA vs. SWANSEA CITY - The blues were rubbing their hands like a mad scientist as they welcomed a Swansea side winless in their previous five. Midfielders Oscar and Frank Lampard each tallied in the first half giving Chelsea a comfortable victory. It was Lampard's 201st goal with Chelsea; one behind club leader Bobby Tambling. To their supporters interim Chelsea field boss Rafa Benetiz is as welcome as a detective among a roomful of thieves, but his accomplishments since taking over need to be recognized. A likely top three finish in the premiership standings; one of four teams remaining in the Europa League. A more compact and secure defensive backline. Be careful for what you wish for Chelsea, you might not like what you'll get. Chelsea-2 Swansea-nil.

MANCHESTER CITY vs. WEST HAM UNITED - The hammers entered the match on a streak, having not tasted defeat in their last five. However they bit off more than they could chew in the BPL's second-placed team. Man City's first goal was a paint-by-the-numbers approach. Sergio Aguero put the finishing brush stroke on the tally from West Ham's front porch. Yaya Toure's would follow with a left-footed slider from the top of the box. The called strike rendered Andy Carroll's injury time goal meaningless. To be real, Manchester City's penchant for turning golden scoring opportunities into rust reared its ugly head once again. City didn't do much but it was enough to secure all three points. Manchester City-2 West Ham-1.

NEWCASTLE UNITED vs. LIVERPOOL- With Luis Suarez serving the first of his ten-game sentence Liverpool could be excused for a lackluster performance. Instead its' fans were standing and shouting "encore" after a devastating and lethal offensive output. The reds guzzled a six-pack at Newcastle's expense, leaving the home side wobbly and rubber-legged at games' end. A surprising result to this reporter. Just one month ago the magpies were one of eight teams fighting for a Europa League title. Now they find themselves one of three teams who could still be relegated. Head Coach Alan Pardew peeled the paint off the walls in his post-match interview. Liverpool-6 Newcastle-nil.

READING vs. QUEENS PARK RANGERS - A Macy's mannequin had more life than this dull scoreless affair. A fitting conclusion in a matchup between two sides that will move from the premiership's uptown address to the Championship League ghetto next season. At first glance it appeared both sides played hard, but when the cards were turned up, they were bluffing with a 2-7 off-suit. Are these two teams playing out the string? Reading-nil QPR-nil.

EVERTON vs. FULHAM - With just two wins away from home in 2013 (one coming on New Year's Day). Fulham once again proved more meek than mighty. Stephen Pienaar slotted home a centering pass at the 6 minute mark and that's all she wrote. Everton keeps their slim Champions League dreams afloat while Fulham continue to drown in mediocrity. Everton-1 Fulham-nil.

SOUTHAMPTON vs. WEST BROMWICH ALBION - Having not lost since a 2-1 setback to QPR back on March 2nd and sitting chilly in the middle of the premiership table, Southampton was guilty of sitting back and admiring their work instead of dealing with the task at hand. Robert Madley made his premiership debut as the man in charge and he was kept busy dismissing two Southampton and one WBA player. At even-strength the Saints were no match for Albion and they were finger-paint ugly playing 9-against-10. Romelu Lukaku was the man of the match by heads and shoulders. The Belgian international netted West Brom's second score and provided first aid on their third tally. WBA-3 Southampton-0.

STOKE vs. NORWICH CITY - To the loser nightmares of being relegated, the victors would be spoiled with premiership riches next season. Charlie Adams was the hero scoring the only goal from the sweep spot. Stoke traveled from points A to B courtesy of Robert Huth's long distance punt. Stoke can now exhale in reaching the 40 point plateau, Norwich will try to hold its breath over the next three weeks. Stoke-1 Norwich-0.

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LIVERPOOL vs. CHELSEA - As expected the Anfield fans gave Benetiz a royal welcome but their smiles turned upside down in the 26th minute when Oscar headed home a corner kick. 1-0 Chelsea at intermission.  Luis Suarez lobbed a change-up seven minutes after the re-start. Former Chelsea striker Daniel Sturridge would make no mistake with his volley and the game was tied at one. Suarez put hand to ball five minutes later allowing Eden Hazard to untie the knot, 2-1 Chelsea. It stayed that way deep into injury time when Sturridge and Suarez engaged in a role reversal. The Uruguayan would blast home the equalizer ending matters with a 2-2 stalemate. The game was over but the drama was just beginning. Late in the second half replays caught Suarez biting the forearm of Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic following a scrum in the penalty area. Expect the unexpected in the premiership, but gnawing on the opponent's flesh is new to me. It brought back memories from a generation ago when The Sheik and Freddie Blassie went Dracula on the forehead's of unsuspecting babyface wrestlers. Suarez will likely serve time in soccer's sin bin, courtesy of a well-deserved suspension. Liverpool-2 Chelsea-2.

TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR vs. MANCHESTER CITY - Gareth Bale, this author's candidate for MVP honors, returned to the Spurs starting eleven after missing the prior two weeks with a leg injury but City crashed the welcome home party through the majesty of Carlos Tevez. The Argentine weaved his way through the Tottenham midfield and back line like a seamstress before finding James Milner with a how-did-he-do that pass. With green acres at his disposal Milner would pick out Samir Nasri for the only goal of the first half. Spurs shifted into desperation mode in the second stanza and finally found the back of the net in the 72nd. Texan Clint Dempsey stood tall in the saddle delivering a sinker from five yards out, 1-1 with 20 minutes remaining. Substitute striker Jermain Defoe came out of the bullpen and unleashed a wicked fastball to the outside corner, 2-1 Spurs at the 79-minute mark. Bale would put the game to bed in the 82nd giving the home side a courageous 3-1 victory and improving their Champions League condition from critical to stable. Tottenham-3 Manchester City-1.

FULHAM vs. ARSENAL - The lone London derby on the premiership docket was turned on its head just 12 minutes in when Fulham's Steve Sidwell was found guilty of a dangerous two-footed challenge on Mikel Arteta. Sidwell was shown red and Fulham played 10-against 11 for nearly 80 minutes. Sidwell is a repeat offender having served a similar suspension earlier in the season. Branded as an ex-con, he's now required to serve a four-game sentence. Fulham would defend like the Union army at Gettysburg but would reluctantly wilt under Arsenal's aerial and ground attacks. Per Mertesacker used the old noggin for the only score in the 43rd. The gunners have now won eight of their last 10 and currently sit third in the premiership standings. Arsenal-1 Fulham-nil.

SUNDERLAND vs. EVERTON - The elite midfielders of the BPL such as Bale, Silva, and Mata travel like a luxury automobile while Sunderland's Stephane Sessegnon motors around the pitch like a Land Rover. The rugged native of Benin scored the only goal deep into first half stoppage time courtesy of a charitable gift from the defensively-challenged Leighton Baines. Everton was found lacking on the offensive end justifying the result. David Moyes' side harbored hopes of stealing a coveted Champions League berth however this effort was worthy of a jaywalking ticket. Take a bow Paolo Di Canio; he'll never win a popularity contest, but with six points in two games, not to mention breathing space above the relegation zone, his skills as a manager are to be commended. Sunderland-1 Everton-nil.

NORWICH CITY vs. READING - Norwich had produced just one victory in their last 16 matches dropping them dangerously close to the premiership's outer limits. Goals from Ryan Bennett and Elliott Bennett (no relation) two minutes apart offset a 72nd tally from Gareth McCleary. The canaries are singing this week after a must-have victory. Norwich-2 Reading-1.

SOUTHAMPTON vs. SWANSEA CITY - The pitch was tilted downhill in Southampton's favor in the first 45 while Swansea enjoyed the better of play in the final 45. This one was a paperback instead of a hard-cover read. Southampton-0 Swansea-0.

WEST HAM UNITED vs. WIGAN - Wigan is within the final three drop zone, but also have an eye to the FA Cup final where they are to meet Manchester City. Me thinks that remaining in the premiership for the 2013-14 season is a more valuable prize than a claim to soccer's oldest trophy but it wasn't evident on this day. The hammers treated their opponent like a nail during the entire match. If this was a boxing or UFC bout it would've been stopped long before the end. West Ham enjoyed the comforts of home with Matthew Jarvis scoring from Wigan's front porch while Kevin Nolan delivered the goods from the doorstep. The 2-nil outcome doesn't accurately describe West Ham's complete domination. West Ham-2 Wigan-0.

WEST BROMWICH ALBION vs. NEWCASTLE UNITED - Newcastle reminds me of the young schoolboy who is constantly teased and bullied by the class muscle head. At the first sign of adversity they have a tendency to curl up in a fetal position. They walked tall and with a sense of purpose after taking a 1-0 lead into the halftime break. WBA's offensive attack, which was stuck in neutral in the first 45, went into overdrive in the second half. Billy Jones would deposit a loose ball into the back of the net and the two teams would share a point apiece. Newcastle would be well served to hit the gym to add some muscle and develop a spine. WBA-1 Newcastle-1.

QUEENS PARK RANGERS vs. STOKE - Some things in life are given; such as death, taxes, and disagreements between conservatives and liberals. Add to that list a demotion for QPR. Stoke has an allergic reaction to scoring but received goals in each half from Peter Crouch and Jonathan Walters in putting QPR out of its misery. Stoke-2 QPR-0.

PENALTY KICK - Manchester United is poised to claim the Barclays Premier League title. It's the red devils’ sixth championship in the 21st century. They share the same approach once adopted by the late Al Davis. The Oakland Raiders owner wanted no part of the popular adage that a team should take what the opponent gave them. Instead he told his team to take what they want. It's that greedy, selfish, attitude that separates the great from the good.