I stole this straight from The Onion. It's funny, 'cuz it's true.

ANAHEIM, CA—Yankees management announced at a postgame press conference Monday that reliever Joba Chamberlain had permission to stay up past his normal 9 p.m. bedtime and would be allowed to attend Game 4 of the ALCS in its entirety. "Young pitchers aren't supposed to stay up late, but he earned it with his recent commitment to improving in the bullpen, plus he asked very nicely," said Yankees GM Brian Cashman, adding that Chamberlain would not, under any circumstance, be allowed to stay up for extra innings. "He needs to understand, though, that this is a special occasion because it's the postseason. He still has to put on his pajamas after the fifth inning. And no candy or soda after 8." Cashman added that, despite